Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Christmas... Party?

Ding ding ding dong. It’s Christmas time around the world and any prosperous Christian country (see: 80% of the world’s economy besides China). So the year had come and all the little elves working for the fat man in the suit are looking forward to some form of recognition for their years long of hard work. So inevitably there comes the year end Christmas party.

Usually this conjures in your heads a drunken foray with a crappy DJ playing the same top 40 music you hear on whatever your cities “Top Music bringing you all the hits” same two douche bag Disc Jockey radio station music. But the types of people who work full time retail are top heavy on the old fat woman variety outside of the odd high school dropout and a handful of slackers (see: me).

When I was first hired for this job and my payroll sheet was done up I was given an optional sheet if I wanted to donate $2 a pay towards the “staff fund” that pays for these events management should be paying for themselves in the first place. But I did sign it. Not out of belief that it’d be a fun time but as a tactic in the bad employee’s handbook. Staying under the radar. No need of drawing undo attention to myself early on in the game. I liken my work ethic to an eventual stick of TNT that’s going to go off resulting in me being fired. It is dependent on the conditions of the workplace that will determine the length of the fuse.

So I pay into the fund but I also have an ulterior motive as by doing so it also allows me to prey on the weakened young part-time female staff who attend these functions and I play the “mature guy” role in their young eyes. Instead of the down and out loser the voice in the back of my head tells me I am for working there.

So I looked forward to this year’s party in hopes of getting some trim as a Christmas bonus. Well, what did we get for all our toil? Well it wasn’t even classified as a party by the crappy flier that went up. It was titled a “Christmas Luncheon” that was held in our break room…. during work hours.
Well of course they must have closed the store to hold it?
No. We got to eat constantly cooling food over our unpaid lunch break (yes, unpaid).
At least it was good food right?
It was Indian food, which for those reading who haven’t tried is terribly spicy and literally makes you stink of curry and spices after you eat it.

And that’s it, that was our Christmas “party”. A crappy meal of Indian food that was buffet style using plastic forks and paper plates. It was even during the day time so no hot cashiers were even there to creep on.  Then when we finished our break we were sent back to toil the acid mines with the stink of curry everywhere now. Terrific…


  1. Haha oh wow, that sucks! I like it how you only envision leaving the job through getting fired. Good luck on that front, and I hope you cause as much damage before that as possible.

  2. Good luck with your job plans :D! Btw being this type of Santa is the way to go :D

  3. All I can say is im loving it !!

    Top one

  4. Dont mock it till youve tried it....

    LOL Good stuff xxxx